sporadic thought bubbles

It is taking all of my willpower (yes, all 5 cc of it) to stop myself from going sentimental yet again. Date today, April 29, 2006. Just finished the last of our final exams. Heading to PGH for the last time tomorrow as an intern. Pigil, pigiiiil….

Pigil…

Hay, psshh. Naubos na willpower ko, what’s new?

I was at the supermarket the other day buying iced tea (isn’t it amazing how many new kinds of iced tea are available these days? with my patented indecision, it takes me ten minutes to decide…) so anyway there i was standing in front of the giant cooler thingamajig, grabbing bottle after bottle of mysterious flavored, carbonated, house blended, fresh-squeezed iced tea (what exactly do you squeeze? beats me.) when i realized that this may well be the last time i shop in good old robinson’s supermarket. Sniff sniff sniff. I’ll miss you, good old express counter na di pala tumatanggap ng credit card (shame on me)…

I walked past chef d’angelo, house of my favorite pesto… bayo, my favorite store… BTIC with my bubble gum frozen yogurt… oh, the memories. TLC (thea’s little circle) pa lang yan. Never thought i’d fall in love with a mall. An ugly one at that. No offense, rob.

As i lugged my shopping bags to the apartment, i couldn’t help but feel sad about leaving my second (almost first) home… oh yes, good old 29M, with its unlimited supply of floor hair, its elephantiasis-like freezer, its non-working shower, doorbell and periodically disco-crazy fluorescent light. An apartment that’s just as klutzy, messed-up and defectively lovable as me. Haha.

Funny how we suddenly appreciate the little things we have when we’re at the brink of losing them. OR when they’re gone.

(Guness kai, who knew you were such a cheesehead?)

Last day of internship ahead, and then it’s the rest of my life.

I have a feeling i’ve been waiting for this a long time.

But the waiting feeling’s fine. 

I must have it bad. Memorized my horoscope for the day, and that’s never a good sign. No pun intended.

Pisces. April 11, 2006.

What will make you happy? What will it take? Think about this today. If you don’t define these goals, how will you know when you reach them?

I have spent the past hour trying to post song lyrics that should help me answer these stupid psychic questions but i keep mucking up the fonts by cutting and pasting. SO i figure that must be a sign in itself. Stop using other people’s words to answer your own effing problems kai.

I think I think too much. Or maybe it’s just cause I can’t sleep. Either way, feel free to laugh at me but i was stunned by my horoscope. Goodness, the depths i’ve sunk…

I’m not happy. Not today. Not on April 11, 2006. I’ve thought about it, but I still don’t know what it’ll take, mr. horoscope man. Maybe you can tell me?

It’s twelve am. What time does the paper arrive?

i just started reading love in the time of cholera by gabriel garcia marquez, and i don’t know if it’s just me, but the book is making my head thump. i mean, i sat through one hundred years of solitude just fine a few years ago, so i can’t figure out why it is such a chore to read this book. am i getting dumber?

the signs are all there. my favorite shows at the moment consist of laguna beach and america’s next top model. i simply cannot figure out why stephen (the hottie) keeps picking kristin (the bitch) over lauren (the slightly less bitchy one). and i can’t wait to see who finally wins tyra’s elusive approval as the next supahmodel… it’s just so funny how she insists that being a model is tough work, y’all. with sacrifices and consequences as earth-shatteringly important as, say, kofi annan’s daily duties.

heavy emotional material now equals one tree hill. oh, how my heart broke when nathan rejected haley… but my faith in love was restored in the last scene, when he delicately put his hand on the small of her back while walking through the school hall… on, that show, that show… i am an emotional wreck every time. can someone please explain why a show about high school and basketball can wreak such havoc in my personal life?

there must be something about all this tv that’s getting into my head and shrinking my already tiny brain one duh moment at a time. right now i have the attention span of a five year old (flip, flip, flip, oh mtv!), the vocabulary of a teenager from the OC (d-rah-mah!), and, on the upside, the fashion sense of paris, mischa, LC AND janice dickinson (like, is that really a good thing?). i’m in the middle of figuring out if i’m the beauty or the geek, and am deathly afraid that i’ll eventually find out i’m neither. que horror!

will someone please return my mojo?

kai now returns to her daily 5 minutes of "love in the time of cholera".

Estimated number of days before completion: i can’t count that high.

so its april.

who knew a year could slip by so fast?

with four weeks ahead till the circle of internship is completed, i can’t help but be amazed at those 525,600 minutes. (thank you rent.)

how do you measure a year?

in nights we spent awake and longing for the comfort of that callroom bed…

in days we spent drowsy, waiting to crawl between the covers of that bed, my bed, any bed.

in meals that we skipped…

and the junk food we ate in between to make up for it.

in the pounds we pretended to lose by staying up late and working through the night…

and in the tight uniform waistbands that told us otherwise.

in papers we made (oh all those trees, all those trees!)…

in veins that we lined (all that blood!)…

in big books we used as pillows…

and in the ways that we faked it, bluffed it, charmed our way through it all.

in tears that we cried (at least once, i’m sure)…

and the crazy stories behind those tears.

in jokes that weren’t very funny

but we laughed our heads off for anyway.

and in patients…

the whiny ones, the grimy ones, the ones who screamed in our faces…

the ones who cry, the ones who die (i’m a regular dr.seuss here)…

the ones we think about, at night, when we want to sleep but just can’t…

(isn’t that about all of them?)

in family that had to be pushed to the side most of the time…

till we were too broken and tired

and we needed to come home.

in people…

that we’ve loved

and lost

and routinely have to learn and unlearn

how to love again.

in the best-laid plans

that change every single effing day.

and in friends…

who’ve gotten us through every single effing day.

this is our happy ending

though it’s not as perfect as we thought it would be.

five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes…

who knew the space between hello and goodbye

would be so, so short?