sporadic thought bubbles

First let me explain.

This is my theory on relationships. It isn’t based on fact or experience, it’s probably just my brain going wacko after a prolonged period of sanity. Forgive the bitterness and political incorrectness, no one chooses to be born this way.

So they all pretty much start and end the same.

Throw in any particular brand of complication in the middle, but your relationship will more or less reliably follow a certain formula. Swallow your argument against my wonderfully hasty generalization, as I am a relationship guru. (insert awkward silence followed by rollicking laughter when audience realizes I’m kidding)

We meet, size each other up, and play the flippancy game until someone gets tired and/or desperate and dares to take things to a higher plane. Boy usually plays aggressor with his trademark decisiveness and irritating nonchalance. Girl counters with coy smiles, timed hair flips, and irresistible flirtation. Both manage to contain their individual “crazies” for a while, and they happily hold hands into the sunset.

Until one of them trips and lets the “crazy” loose.

After that, it’s every man/woman/girl/boy/gay/lesbian/hermaphrodite for himself/herself/you get where I’m going here. No matter how long it took to get to this point or how much you think you knew each other, someone usually ends up getting screwed.

Cause the only logical end (save for death) to a modern-day relationship is, to be Bridget about it, emotional fuckwittance.

So it doesn’t matter how morally upright you were to begin with, or how much love and understanding once existed between you two. The higher the horse, the harder the fall. In the end someone’s gonna get emotionally fucked, and the most you can do is pray hard that it isn’t you.

(Sweet innocent Kai smile. Hair flip, hair flip.)

After about a week of bum-hood, i have come to a number of realizations.

1) It is so hot in the pilipinas. Body heat ang room temperature. I’m never coming out of my room again. I miss the good old airconditioned pedia ER. Not!

2) You may end up watching the same show four times if you watch tv for far too long. I have my tyra banks impersonation down pat.

3) There are one million excuses for drunken debauchery when you’re a fresh graduate. And two million little people kicking inside your head the morning after. Stay away from moving vehicles.

4) Moving out of an apartment is medieval torture: painful and slow. Especially if you’ve just spent the last five years NOT picking up after yourself. Renting smokey-mountain-diggers to segregate my waste (i mean, stuff) is starting to look good.

5) Being a bum gives you 24 hours a day to be introspective…to think about life and what it means…and to feed yourself quasi-philosophical reasons for putting off board review till tomorrow.

Okay, that’s the most electrical activity that my brain cells have engaged in since April 30. I’m gonna need to rest. Atchays! My eye pads, please!

More to come as my never-ending summer progresses. Wink, wink.