sporadic thought bubbles

Warning: this post WILL offend some of you. These are just my opinions. Feel free to tell me if you agree but scathing comments against MY scathing comments are not welcome. Get your own blog. Hehe.

It was just so damn entertaining.

If you were just some random person who happened to wander into the PICC plenary hall yesterday afternoon, you would’ve been hard-pressed to realize that it was the oath-taking of the country’s newest physicians.

Some highlights:

(1) Endless references to "deal or no deal" made by the emcee and various dignified looking people seated at the presidential table. Kris Aquino will be president one day, i foresee it.

(2) Canned minus-one music accompanying the soprano and tenor through their doxology and kundiman-style intermission numbers (think high school, those programs during linggo ng wika that they force us to sit through). The PRC couldn’t fork up the dough for real accompaniment, since we only did pay them 700 bucks a head.

(3) Sad man who sang the national anthem. A capella. None of that patented drumrolling, harmonizing choir music we hear when we watch a movie. Just one sad sad man, singing, not particularly well. Flashbacks to grade school. Up next, Panatang Makabayan.

(4) Attempt at an inspirational speech by the PRC chairperson, a.k.a. "swimming in her sea of angst". Godwin likened it to "communion", mafia-style, where they cement down the poor guy’s legs and throw him into the ocean. It was about twenty minutes of sheer bitterness, with the occasional nuggets of "i-still-believe-in-the-philippines" idealisms thrown in for good measure. She was basically telling us, new doctors drowning in her sea of shattered dreams, to "see that island? swim towards that island! go go go!", temporarily forgetting that she’d cemented our frickin feet together.

(5) Teeny-bopper guest of honor patricia evangelista, with almost-impeccable english (with only one "him-her" discrimination problem), flawlessly tying up the vastly important topics of flirting with boys AND political activism. Why would you get a non-doctor to speak at a forum full of new doctors desperately looking for someone to inspire them? Despite her best efforts at flipping her hair and striding across the stage, she could not possibly evoke inspiration in me. She looked at doctors with the same wide-eyed awe as any other lay person, like anyone else who did not understand. She was charming, articulate, but inappropriate.

(6) Being sworn into the Philippine Medical Association, Wowowee style.

(7) Our board topnotcher, the stoic. (I’m sure we all wondered what he looked like when he found out he was #1. Perhaps he grew half a laugh line.)

(8) The stampede. At one moment, my life actually flashed before my eyes and i was amused by the irony of dying in the process of getting your license to heal. I was intimately related to complete strangers for an inordinate amount of time. Worse yet, 2 people stepped on my pretty pretty shoes. I was so glad i dressed down as i watched girls in prom dresses clawing their way through the crowd. I heard crawling was later involved.

And we are doctors. Paragons of society. With stellar reputations and glistening futures. Or so they think. If this is all we deserve, then i fear for the rest.

I can’t wait to get out of here.

During board reviews, i listed a few goals for myself, things that i wanted to do as soon as studying was over. I was gonna learn how to drive, go to the gym regularly, buy a whole new doctor-ish wardrobe, register for the usmle asap, and read pathology in my spare time. (yea, i’m so wicked.)

A month later, I’m 0 for 5. I have, however, managed to watch seasons 1 and 2 of lost, shop for everything EXCEPT a doctorly wardrobe, fatten myself up a couple sizes, and go to one million parties. I’ve visited the usmle site a couple of times, asked a few friends, but haven’t actually gotten round to applying. That’s about it. I’ve always been horrible with goals, self-confessed procrastinator that I am. But this is just shameless.

To make matters worse, it seems I am surrounded by people who know what they want and how to get it. Everytime I check my email, there are job openings, and people scrambling to take them. I hear of classmates moonlighting in various hospitals, and even braver souls starting their pre-residency at PGH. And here I am, completely satisfied with watching top model. Is this what I went to school for seven years for?

I’m standing on the edges of my tomorrow, and I’m not in the mood to jump.

Push, anyone?