The Marshmallow Test
I cannot believe that I’ve been preparing for exams for close to two years. It has been such a lazy, nerdy, sedentary existence that I can almost feel my saggy, sport-repellent butt developing pressure sores. Add the 14 hours/day I spend in front of the laptop and the disgustingly massive American food portions to the mix, and you’ve got one potentially obese, unemployed single girl with the beginnings of carpal tunnel syndrome.
So I’m trying not to get fat. Yes, this is a shallow post, you can stop right here if you feel your IQ dropping. Or if you have a legitimate eating or body dysmorphic disorder. I have such a brazen disregard for feelings other than my own that I can’t exactly be depended on for political correctness.
Anyway. How do you not get fat when you’re sitting for hours on end, doing nothing but reading, writing, and clicking away at a computer + the thought of exercise makes you want to crawl between the covers never to see the light of day again? It sounds simple to most normal people. Diet, right? So I’ve been trying to get by on leaves, fruits and good old agua but thoughts of ice cream keep lasciviously creeping into my hypoglycemic mind. I function for a grand total of twenty minutes on the precious 200 calories that my salad provides before I start craving that chocolate-covered cookie, that slice of cheese, that frigging orange soda. I cannot bear it, the thought of having my white chocolate mocha without whip. It’s such a…crime.
I guess I’ll just have to accept that I will always, ALWAYS fail the marshmallow test. I simply have no concept of delayed gratification, which is why I must always get what I want, when I want it. Food, love, grey’s anatomy…they NEED to be there, at a moment’s notice, within an arm’s reach. Because when they aren’t, I flail around like a fish out of the toilet bowl, slowly, painfully, dying.
I’m giving up on the starvation, and taking a fresh new approach. I’ve decided to do my work in bed, turning every 2 hours to prevent the decubitus ulcers. Might not help keep the weight off, but at least I get to keep my baby-soft skin. Haha.
